I’m a stay-at-home-mom and I feel stuck. It seems like I’m always fighting with my kids and that my life is in turmoil. I want to be joyous and spiritual, but I’m always having to push myself to be happy. I have so many negative people in my life. I feel lost and out of alignment. How can I get out of this rut?
Stay At Home Mom (Got your own question? Ask here…)
Dear Stay-At-Home Mom,
Being a mother, and especially a mom who does not work outside the home is difficult and intense in a way that few people (other than those of us who have lived it) can understand. A lot of us got bad information about motherhood. We were told how wonderful it is and how we should savor every moment. Unfortunately, no one told us about the independence and freedom we’d lose, or how, once you’re a mother (stay-at-home or otherwise), you’ll never live another moment without a sense of profound duty and, often, guilt. Even when we’re trying our best, we always think we could do and be better, and we worry that we’re hurting our children.
When I went through this myself, I was lucky enough to have a good friend to help me. She told me that I needed to grieve all the things I had lost when I became a mother. I did, and recognizing my grief helped me understand my situation better. As with a lot of things, understanding the problem is half the battle. What you’re feeling is normal. I think it happens to every mother, even if they don’t admit it.
Taking care of yourself is the first step to improving your outlook. As Max recently told a mom whose son is going through a difficult time, “you have to follow your own path, and be a happy, well-adjusted Mom.” This is true for you as well. Becoming a martyr on the altar of motherhood is not good for you or your kids. Here are some specific steps you can take to start improving your day-to-day life
Although being a stay at home mom is difficult and intense, there are also many advantages to it. You obviously thought that the cost was worth the benefit, or you would have chosen another path. Take a moment to write down exactly why you chose to stay home. Keep this list handy for difficult days.
Before I start each day I take time for a morning meditation. Some mornings I actively set an intention for the day, but sometimes I just listen for guidance from my Higher Power. Taking this time before the day starts will help you align with yourself and your purpose. Try to get up a few minutes before your family to take this time for yourself. If you’re new to meditation try Morning Meditations. This program takes only 15 minutes and will help you prepare for your day with a sense of peace and optimism.
Your letter also mentions negative people in your life. No matter who these people are, please remember that you are ultimately in control of how others affect you. Don’t be afraid to distance yourself from people who are not healthy for you. Sometimes we feel that we are obligated to put up with bad behavior. We’re not! Limit your interaction with people who are not loving or supportive. There’s no need for dramatic confrontations, just take a step back from the toxic people in your life.
I truly hope this helps you find the peace and joy you’re seeking. Thank you for using the Healing Waterfall as a resource. Below are some other selections that might help you as you follow your spiritual path.